Four Songs

by Chalmers

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released October 17, 2013

Recorded by Greg Knowles and the Monopoly Piece Mobile Unit, Mixed and Mastered by Josh Allamon. Thanks!

Self-released (CD-r) 2013. Cassette release via Known Pleasure Records 2014.



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Chalmers Lancaster, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Utah
The thoughts in my head are sickening,

and I can’t breathe with my head to the ground.

Dirt in my mouth – turn to see the stars.

Choke on the earth as the heavens watch.

The faces of the people I will never love.

The bodies of the people I will never know.

I’m better off not dreaming anymore at all.

Wake me up – reality’s unreal enough.

The thoughts in my head are deafening.

Screaming a story begging for an ending.

With no plot lines, just wasted time.

Loss of mind – destroying images.

Images passing by like pages in the wind.

The writing is indistinct – the papers been stained.

A thousand-word description wouldn’t change a thing.

I still would never figure out exactly what you mean.

This story is something no one should have to read.

My brain is scattered, grey-ugly matter.

My fingers wrapped around too much current.

Smoke clouds burning, my eyes turn red.

Shedding light on bruised face sunken in.

What happened to me? I’m not the same.

Sick of this fake smile – sick of pretending.

What happened to you? You’re not my dream.

You’re less than anything I need.

“You never care much for anything.”

Well, I never said I wanted this or anything.

My last breath was a lifetime ago.

Please tell me to leave. I can’t on my own.

I’m tearing every page out.

Taking down every picture framed around this house.
Track Name: Biting Lip
I’m feeling automatic, like I’m out of control.

I’m out of control – I’m listening in.

The words I speak are never words I’d say.

I’d never live this year again if I could.

Remembering – the shitty thoughts I think

stuck on repeat in my head – can’t forget (no!).

Biting my lip ‘cause the tongue’s bit to shit already.

Shutting my mind off hasn’t ever been easy.

Words are just tongue to teeth to tongue.

Fabricated memories reinforce anxieties.

A record spins around this head.

Broken-teeth needles scratching out what should have been.

Locked in grooves of emptiness.

Just keeps spinning.

Year keeps repeating.

Tried and failed to hold it back – breathing in, spitting out.

Just keeps spinning.

Tried and failed to hold it back – every word falling out.

Year keeps repeating.
Track Name: Settling
I’m distancing what is behind me for good reasons.

I’m stuccoed with past beliefs and arguments.

Been settling for less than anyone is worth.

But the more I get, the less I want a part in it.

Just let it go – close your eyes and spin around.

Just let it go – burn the maps and leave town.

Doesn’t matter which way I go.

Every turn is wrong.

Been circling the same steps so long it’s dug a hole,

and climbing up showed me how far down I’d really got.

Doesn’t matter which way I go.

Every turn is wrong.

When you turn the other way, you still know something’s off

when you can’t feel anything.

It’s hard to not get down on myself these days.

Spent a whole year worrying and running the other way.

But hey, I got out of town and the left the country for a little – things felt okay.

And then I got back home and remembered me – my name, my face, my secret mistake.

I’m sure somebody knows.

They’ve got wires for that kind of thing.

You know how it goes.

Doesn’t matter which way I go.

Every turn is wrong.

If there were anywhere to go, I’d be long gone.
Track Name: Map's Lost
This is a sinking ship.

Followed a map drawn wrong.

X marks the spot where you stopped.

X marks the spot where you started.

You never get anywhere at all.

The water’s rushing in – sing along,

cold-shipwrecked song.

And I don’t need to wait for someone

to say I’ve steered us wrong.

I’ll say it myself: “I’ve steered us wrong.”

I’ll say it myself.

I’ll say it myself: “I’ve given up on us.”

I’ll say it myself, but…

Who makes a kid a captain?

Sure, he looks tall, but he’s a little bit short in years.

Who makes a kid a captain

and expects the ship to stay afloat?

Born to blinding light and crying waves.

Mother’s love doesn’t always keep you warm.

Mother’s love only gets you born.

There’s a map some had, but it’s said to be lost.

Fuck it – abandon ship.

All hope is dead and gone.